It's been a long week, adjusting to my new schedule with the kiddos in school now. I am walking Ruth to and from preschool each day, so I'm spending more time outside pushing the double stroller around. It's been nice to get some fresh air every day and also some exercise. But, it has also forced me to be in a stricter routine, too. I've got Robby on a pretty tight napping schedule now, and I am trying to also make more defined hours for shopwork, housework, and time playing with the children. And I'm gonna be honest - I'm exhausted!
When Clint got home last night, he saw the look on my face. You know, that look that says, "I need ME-time! Please!!" So, he graciously offered to watch the kiddos for a little bit so I could go out. On my way out to the car, I ran into a neighbor that I haven't seen in months. We chatted for a little bit, and then she asked me, "Are you pregnant?" (I'm hoping that she didn't ask me that because I look pregnant. Maybe she asked me because I kind of have a history of always being pregnant or having a little one on my hip! :)) Anyway, I laughed it off, but as I drove away to the mall, the tears started flowing. Cause all I could think was, "I look pregnant. I'm fat. I'm never gonna have my pre-baby body back." - I told you this post was gonna be real! haha...
So, after this pity party in my head, I immediately went into the mall food court and had McDonalds for dinner! Cause, of course, that's the logical choice for dinner when you're trying to lose weight... I'm an emotional eater, what can I tell you?
After I ate, I walked down to JCPenney and looked for an outfit that didn't make me look pregnant. But, honestly, it seems like the only tops that look good on me right now are the loose, tunic type tops that cover up my squishy tummy. Well, God was kind to me in that JCPenney dressing room. I found two fun tops and two pairs of pants that fit really well. And, as I walked out of the store with the bag in my hand, I confess I did feel a little bit better. (And I have to add this part, too: My dad got me my JCPenney credit card a few years ago. He pays the bill each month. He got it for me so I could go every now and then to buy myself something nice. Isn't that the sweetest thing? I love that man.)
So, here's a photo of me this morning wearing one of the outfits I bought:
As I was going through all these emotions yesterday, I tried to talk to the Lord about what I was feeling. And ever faithful God that He is, He spoke to me. He said so gently, "Lora, you are not what you weigh." And the more that I thought about how discontent I've been with my weight and post-babies body, I know that I should be proud of my stretch marks and squishy tummy. Because those are the evidence of the five amazing children that I have been blessed to carry and birth.
So, I walked out of the mall carrying my bag of loose fitting tunics and size 14 jeans, feeling better and a little more accepting of my body. But before I walked out, I stopped by McDonalds on the way and got a hot fudge sundae to go. (I couldn't resist! haha...)
The weight will come off, little by little. And one day, I will be skinny again.
But God is so right - size 14 or size 7,
I am definitely not what I weigh.