I've been thinking a lot about my hair. I know, that sounds kinda superficial, doesn't it? But, wait, there's more to it than it sounds.
My hair has gotten REALLY LONG. It's the longest it has ever been in my whole life. And I love it. I think my hair is probably my best feature. It is super thick, super dark, and has pretty natural waves. It makes me happy.
me. yesterday. during naptime. next to a sunny window.
Almost four years ago, I gave birth to my one and only girl. Isabella Ruth. I was so happy to have a girl! But, the weeks that followed were difficult. I went through a very dark time emotionally. Call it postpartum depression, call it the baby blues, call it hormonal... whatever it was, it was bad. And I really had to press into God to make it through to the other side. One evening during that season, as I was bathing the children, I saw a pair of scissors lying on the bathroom counter. And I began to cut off my hair. I cut and cut and cut, with tears streaming down my face. And when it was over, my hair was all gone. I actually had to go get it "fixed" by a hair stylist because it was so terribly cut. All she could do was basically buzz it. I finally came out of the deep hole about a month or so later. But, my short hair remained. It served as a constant reminder to me of that dark time.
me, mustering up a smile for the camera. summer 2006. about a month after i cut it.
Fast forward two years later. I was at a conference at my church. I was very pregnant with Joseph. My hair was about shoulder length. I was being prayed for by a few people. (I didn't know them - they were part of a ministry team) And while they were praying for me, one of the girls chuckled a little bit. She said to me, "I keep hearing this little phrase in my spirit that I believe the Lord wants to tell you, but it sounds so silly. But, I am just going to be obedient and tell you what I'm hearing. The Lord wants you to know that He loves your hair. He thinks it's really pretty." Well, as you can imagine, I was so touched by that. God is so good. That girl didn't know the history. She had no idea what I went through two years earlier. And she didn't know my fears about going through it again with this next baby coming in just a few weeks. So, God told me that to encourage me that He knew my inmost thoughts and that He was going to help me through this next post-partum season.
So, here I am. another two years later. (and two babies later...)
And I am still clinging to God's promise of his help through another post-partum season. This time has been rough, I have to admit. I still don't feel back to myself. Robby will be 3 months old tomorrow. That elusive "fourth trimester" will be over. And I am still taking it day by day. I am trying to give myself grace. I know that I can't do it all, as much as I try to think I can. All I can do is my personal best. That is all God asks of me. He will do the rest...