Thursday, February 3, 2011

postpartum thoughts...

I've been very introspective the past few days. So much on my mind...

I've been thinking a lot about my hair. I know, that sounds kinda superficial, doesn't it? But, wait, there's more to it than it sounds.

My hair has gotten REALLY LONG. It's the longest it has ever been in my whole life. And I love it. I think my hair is probably my best feature. It is super thick, super dark, and has pretty natural waves. It makes me happy.


me. yesterday. during naptime. next to a sunny window.

Almost four years ago, I gave birth to my one and only girl. Isabella Ruth. I was so happy to have a girl! But, the weeks that followed were difficult. I went through a very dark time emotionally. Call it postpartum depression, call it the baby blues, call it hormonal... whatever it was, it was bad. And I really had to press into God to make it through to the other side. One evening during that season, as I was bathing the children, I saw a pair of scissors lying on the bathroom counter. And I began to cut off my hair. I cut and cut and cut, with tears streaming down my face. And when it was over, my hair was all gone. I actually had to go get it "fixed" by a hair stylist because it was so terribly cut. All she could do was basically buzz it. I finally came out of the deep hole about a month or so later. But, my short hair remained. It served as a constant reminder to me of that dark time.

me, mustering up a smile for the camera. summer 2006. about a month after i cut it.

Fast forward two years later.  I was at a conference at my church. I was very pregnant with Joseph. My hair was about shoulder length. I was being prayed for by a few people. (I didn't know them - they were part of a ministry team) And while they were praying for me, one of the girls chuckled a little bit. She said to me, "I keep hearing this little phrase in my spirit that I believe the Lord wants to tell you, but it sounds so silly. But, I am just going to be obedient and tell you what I'm hearing. The Lord wants you to know that He loves your hair. He thinks it's really pretty." Well, as you can imagine, I was so touched by that. God is so good. That girl didn't know the history. She had no idea what I went through two years earlier. And she didn't know my fears about going through it again with this next baby coming in just a few weeks. So, God told me that to encourage me that He knew my inmost thoughts and that He was going to help me through this next post-partum season.

So, here I am. another two years later. (and two babies later...)
And I am still clinging to God's promise of his help through another post-partum season. This time has been rough, I have to admit. I still don't feel back to myself. Robby will be 3 months old tomorrow. That elusive "fourth trimester" will be over. And I am still taking it day by day. I am trying to give myself grace. I know that I can't do it all, as much as I try to think I can. All I can do is my personal best. That is all God asks of me. He will do the rest...

Lora

12 comments:

  1. Love your heart, Lora. Thanks for sharing how God speaks to you. I love hearing stories like that. He loves you so deeply. I love your hair too, short or long :)

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  2. You have deeply blessed me again sweet friend. Thank you for sharing your aches, your struggles and the One who gets you through! I felt I needed to share this post on my blog because of how often you have blessed me spiritually!

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  3. Lora....I was wondering..did your little ones even notice when you cut all of your hair off? Children are so wonderfully capable of seeing into our hearts and knowing that their mother is beautiful with long hair or short hair..it does not matter..and that is so much like our precious Lord..He loves our souls and knows each nook and cranny of each of us and loves us unconditionally.

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  4. God is so sweet : )

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  5. What a wonderful post!

    After my son was born my hair was falling out in clumps, quite literally. I was going through some post partum as well so instead of clinging to my terribly thin hair I dyed it, bright pink. It was something I had always wanted to do and it helped me feel a lot better. Now that I'm pregnant with number 2 I've been seeing a counselor since I've been struggling with depression for a long time and I wanted to have a support system already set up if post partum sends me over the edge again... and I can always dye my hair purple this time. ;-)

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  6. Lora, thank you for your willingness to let us see into your heart...for allowing us to watch as you follow the Savior...for encouraging us to lean on Him and trust His goodness...for showing us how He loves us. I praise Him for a daughter who thirsts after the Living Water and who leads her children to drink and believe.
    I love you.
    Mom

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  7. that's amazing!

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  8. such an open and honest post! I love the message the girl passed on to you. I can see why it was said your hair is beautiful!

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  9. Thanks for sharing your heart. God loves your hair and everything else about you.

    You have a great smile by the way. You can see the love of Jesus in your countenance.

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  10. Hugs! God is so good, even in those dark times. Glad He has brought you through!! Now trusting in Him will be easier, and you won't ever want to leave him.

    Many blessings.

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  11. Anonymous10:35 AM

    this is a good word!

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  12. thanks for this post - my (third) baby is 28 days old, and we just came out of the hospital (he's FINALLY starting to gain weight). This reminder that God knows us so intimately is so wonderfully timed! Blessings to you and your family.

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